Chapter 2: The Case of the Golden Deer

मसार गल्वर्क मुखः शंख मुक्ता निभ उदरः |
कस्य नाम अनिरूप्यः असौ न मनो लोभयेत् मृगः || ३-४३-२९

Its face is like a mug made up of sapphires, its paunch is pearly and conchoidal, and whose heart is it that will not lured for this deer with an inexplicable beauty. [3-43-29]

   

“We need a case Lx, my brains are starting to get rusty” gushed Raam

“Let’s wait it out. A good detective is a patient one. And if we don’t get a case in the next 10 minutes, I am in favour of committing a crime” replied Lx

Raam stared at Lx the way one would stare at a friend with lower IQ but one you care about.

“It’s plain and simple logic, my friend. You need to adapt to a changing environment. You cannot keep making bulky televisions when everyone wants thin LEDs. You cannot keep making big hand phones when smaller is cooler”

Raam interjected, “Clearly you haven’t seen the latest mobiles, they are starting to get bigger now, the size of a person’s face”

“I think we are losing the plot Raam, we need a case to solve remember. Let’s focus on that”, said Lx.

Ding Donggggggggg

“I knew it!” exclaimed Raam. Any self-respecting detective knew that once the detective settles down in his chair and declares that he is in the mood for case solving, a beautiful mysterious woman usually shows up either accused of murder or afraid that someone might murder the beautiful mysterious woman’s portly husband. The reason why these mysterious women only wore red, black or white was probably linked to the fact that “The mystery of the polka dotted t shirt woman in figure hugging jeans” just doesn’t seem to hit the spot. 

Having concluded that the bell must be the precursor to the entry of one such beautiful mysterious woman Raam shouted “Come in, detectives Raam and Lx await you”

The portly man entered with some difficulty. He looked around with disgust, covering his face with a handkerchief. “You have got to be kidding me. Kids !! Kids !! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted the yellow pages. Kids”

“Welcome sir, you are neither beautiful nor mysterious, and my instincts tell me that you are also not a woman. You are a man, and you are portly” deduced Raam

“Well done Raam. I think you summarized that rather well” agreed Lx

“Hummmm” hummed the portly man

“Have a seat Sir, and tell us how we can help you” they said in unison. 

The odd “Hurrah” could be managed by groups of the non-synchronysed swimming variety, but the boys display of skill in managing 12 words in chorus clearly had a positive impact on the portly man. He sat down, then realized he had sat down and leaned forward to brief them.

 “Gentleman, my name is Tukaram. It’s my sister, she’s been kidnapped. And it has something to do with a golden deer that I saw outside my house” gushed the portly man, or Tukaram if you prefer

“A golden deer??” exclaimed Lx. He continued, “Why don’t we start at the beginning. Tell us more about yourself”

“I work on a farm and my sister, Sita, stays with me. After our parents died, I have been taking care of her. We have been farming for years now, growing sugar cane and selling it to the local factories. I run the tractors on the field, Sita handles the accounts and makes sure we have enough money in the bank to feed ourselves”

“Business hasn’t been great lately. The monsoons are still key to whether we make a good crop. And then there is all the construction”

“Construction? You mean real estate developers. Where are your farms located Mr.Tukaram? With the way the city is expanding they must have reached all the way to you”

“My town is called dodakanahabulli”

“Dodakabli?”

“Dodakanahabulli”

“Dodakaboooli?”

“Dodakanahabulli”

“Dodaaa….so focussing on the issue at hand. I am sorry about your sister Mr.Tukaram.Tell us about the day Sita was kidnapped. When did it happen. Did you notice anything unusual about her behaviour. Please tell us everything you can remember about the incident. Anything could help”

“It happened two days back, on Thursday. It was a normal day, Sita was actually happier than usual. We finished up our daily work routine, wake up at 5am, take the tractor through the fields, rest, lunch, inspecting crops for diseases in the evening, house chores, dinner..and that’s when I saw it”

“Saw what?”

“The…….golden deer”

“Is it possible you just saw a regular deer. The light plays tricks on the eyes sometimes. Why just the other day, I was walking with Ram in the park and we saw this couple. And they looked silver but it was actually the moonlight, so they weren’t actually silver. If they were silver, you could say things like “you guys make a shiny new couple” or “Which band do you guys like? Metallllllica?” or you”

“Lx. Shut up”

“Thanks Ram” said Tukaram and continued “It was golden I tell you. I have 6/6 vision. The moon was out, and it was a clear night. First I noticed a golden flash outside the window, but I ignored it. Then Sita saw it as well, she poked her head out of the window and almost fainted”

“I ran across to her, and there it was. It was moving quite fast, it was a golden deer. You must believe me”

“I wore my sandals, rushed out of the house to catch it or at least get a better look. I thought I saw it in the distance, and I ran after it with all I had, but the further I ran, the further it seemed to disappear. The air was suddenly not very clear. Black fumes engulfed me, and I found it hard to breathe. I suddenly felt afraid for Sita, and ran back to the house as fast as I could”

“I reached home calling her name but I didn’t get an answer. It was as I had feared. Someone or something has taken my sister. I am a god fearing man sir, but the deer, Sita, I feel mythical forces are at play. I haven’t been to the temple in years, maybe this is god’s way of taking revenge. I must have angered the lord, for he has .”

“CTFD”

“CTFD?”

“Calm the fuck down. Lx, get the man some water.”

Grudgingly gulping down the water, Tukaram’s pulse seemed to come back down towards frantically out of control. Ram sat back in his chair and assumed a more comfortable position, a good detective needs to be comfortable. Imagine trying to solve a case or connect together clues when your jeans are too tight or in bad weather. Holmes must have a good tailor, he figured. But enough about Holmes.

“Now that you have CTFDed, Lx and I would like to ask you a few questions. Please keep your answers brief and to the point. Understood?”

“Yes, I think I have. Ill do my best. I shall answer your questions as best I can. I will try and remember every little detail. It is difficult but I must, for my sister. I shall answer eve”

“CTFD”

“…..”

“Good, now let us begin” said Raam to Tukaram, arming his verbal racquet with the semi-eastern grip, positioned himself at the middle of the net near the T and began his volley onslaught as Lx assumed the standard look to the left-look to the right-look to the left-repeat position. 

“How big is your farm”

“2 acres” 

“Any neighbouring farms in the area?”

“Most of the farmers have sold their land to the local developer Lanka Constructions. It’s just me and Sitaram. He holds another 4 acres right behind mine”

“Did Sitaram have more lands in the area?”

“He did. He owned more than 20 acres. But he sold most of his land to Lanka. In fact, the entire Lanka urbania opposite my farm belonged to him.”

“Can you draw this out on a map for us”

Exhibit A: Tukaram’s Map

“So the Green plot is where I farm. The blue one is where Sitaram does his farming. That’s the main road running right next to my plot. On the other side of town is Lanka Urbania, the large township project that is almost complete. They have met me a couple of times asking me to sell my land, but I would never sell to them. Money is money, but you don’t give up what you love doing for years for a pile of cash. You just dont”

“That’s very useful Sir. Very useful indeed”

“Indeed” added Lx

“I hope you boys have heard about the legend of Maricha. If you know any priests who can do a havan or do a grand offering let me know. That’s the only way to get Sita back”

“Maricha Sir?  You didn’t tell me about this dude before”

“This dude son, is a savage demon. He transformed himself into a Golden Deer to entice Raam to move away from the house, while his wife Sita was left unguarded at home. This helped give Raavan the time to kidnap her.”

“Sorry to interrupt you sir. All very nice to hear, this Maricha business. But we would like to focus on the facts if you will”

“For example, when Lx handed you our favourite set of coloring sketchpens to make a drawing, we noticed you also took a yellow one. What we didn’t understand was that squiggly drawing you made at the end”

“That’s the deer”

“That’s the deer?”

“That’s what I saw, the deer. And the yellow path is the direction in which it ran before I lost track of it, also the air around me got smoggier and I couldn’t see very well”

“Hmm” hmmed Raam

“Hmm” hmmed Lx

“Ok. This is done. I made a big mistake coming to you guys. I should have gone to the police. I thought they would find me crazy for telling them a story about golden deer and the Raamayana, but I think they are my best chance. Or maybe Ill go tell the priest at the local temple. Maybe he will help me out of this mess”

“The case is solved” exclaimed Raam and Lx in unison.

It was this kind of synchronous exclamations that had given Tukaram confidence when he had entered their sparsely decorated office. It was the same synchronous exclamation that made him sit up again.

“Really? You know who abducted my sister? Tell me. Tell me quickly”

“It was a clear night, the moon was out and your eyesight was clear. Yet, as you ran behind the deer, you said you were finding it hard to breathe and see, and that the air got blacker”

“You work on a farm, on a farm there are two things, crops, and a tractor to run through it”

“Your plot gives Sitaram access to the main road, and the fact that he owned the lands on the other side indicate that he knows Lanka well”

“You did not want to sell to Lanka but you might have been persuaded to sell to another farmer, with the right amount of pressure from outside”

“Go immediately to the police, tell them to bring a search party, and search Sitaram’s premises. Tell them to take special notice of where he keeps his tractor and his other farm equipment. You should find your sister there. She will be unharmed and well fed. He didn’t mean to harm her, just keep her there till you signed over your land parcel to him”

“That unscrupulous no-good two bit lying conniving motherfucker”

“Well put”

“Thanks. I will go immediately. Thank you boys. Here is a cheque, its blank, you can fill in your fees and cash it in”

“Wow. That’s awfully generous of you”

“Yes no worries. That account of mine has 600 rupees in it. That’s about how much I was willing to pay you two anyway. So go ahead and take it”

Tukaram gathered his stuff and started out towards the door. Suddenly he paused and turned around.

“You might have solved who took my sister. But you boys must admit. The golden deer must have shaken your modern-age beliefs. Maricha…he may have distracted me but I shall continue to pray to Lord Raam so I don’t see that monster again”

“There was no golden deer sir. No Maricha and this is definitely no Ramayana. The deer has a name”

“Yes it does, Maricha”

“Well, you might want to call it that, but the more anglicised correct name is John”

“John?”

“John….John Deer”

“WHAT”

“What you saw sir was the symbol on Sitaram’s tractor made by the John Deere Tractor Company, 

Exhibit B: John Deere Tractor Company Logo

which he ran past your house to distract you. He then circled back and came to your house, took your sister and went towards his farm while you were still searching the elusive beast. The black fumes, exhaust, from his tractor as he ran it at high speed to make sure you didn’t get too close”

“Ayooooo Raaaama”

The next day, Ram woke up early. A good day to go to the park. 

His dad called out to him from downstairs “Raaam..Time for breakfast. Come fast”

“Pass me the cereal dad. Thanks”

“Crazy stuff in the papers today. Some farmer’s sister was abducted, but the police managed to find the guy who did it. The farmer’s neighbour! People these days, they ll do anything for money”

“Maricha….you didn’t get away this time”

“What did you say son?”

“Nothing dad….Nothing”